Thanksgiving

Some of you have wondered how we are doing these days, so I thought I'd give a Thanksgiving update:

It's hard for me to believe that it's been two weeks since we learned of our son Asher's death (during the 19 week ultrasound). A friend told me that grief seems to wash over you in waves, some big and some little. This has been my experience. Part of what I'm learning about the healing process after a loss like ours is that it is helpful to remember what I'm thankful for. And, since this is Thanksgiving, I thought I'd take a stab at it.

1. My Heavenly Father. Even though I cannot understand His ways and I certainly ask Him "why," there are a few things I do know. He made me and cares for me, even planning what each of my days will look like before they happen (Psalm 139). He has brought grief to me, but promises to show me compassion (Lamentations 3:32). I cling to that promise.

2. My awesome husband. Though he has also grieved over the loss of our son, he has been a pillar of strength to me. He cared for Asher in ways that some people wouldn't be able to in these circumstances. He has loved me, listened to me, cried with me, prayed for me, offered helpful counsel, and even found ways to make me laugh.

3. A sweet son that I'll meet in heaven. Even though I never heard Asher's voice, I was so blessed to carry him, hear his heartbeat, see him moving around (at 9 weeks) and see his little body after he was delivered. These were great blessings, but the greatest is knowing that he never had to experience the sin and suffering of this life and that, because of Jesus' sacrifice on my behalf, I am able to rest in the knowledge that my son is with Christ and I will be able to go to him when God calls me home.

4. Clara and Benjamin--my super kids! What a blessing it has been to care for these guys in the midst of grieving. They are compassionate, creative, full of energy and still need their mom to read to them, teach them, and play with them.

5. Parents and siblings. They have cried for us, prayed for us, written to us, sent us flowers and regularly checked on us. What a blessing it is to not have to bear grief alone.

6. Parents-in-law. These people are the opposite of the stereotype. They have loved me as a daughter from day one and have always been here when we need them. Generous, sympathetic, and hilarious, they have been my cheerleaders.

7. Friends. I have been so overwhelmed with love from dear friends all over who have reached out to us in so many ways. I have listened to and read stories of grief and healing that I had never before heard and I have probably never been prayed for as much in my life.

8. Comfort food. Let's face it--southern women have this one down! Our refrigerator and freezer bear the marks of the love of Christ through our sweet congregation. These ladies have delivered complete meals, desserts, snacks and more along with their kind words and offers to give more help. It has been a relief to not have to stand in the kitchen when my body and heart are aching and it's been an added bonus to eat such delicious food.

9. Music. You knew I couldn't leave this one out! Always a solace to me, music speaks to us in ways that nothing else can. We have listened to Mahler, Christmas music, guitar concerti, praise songs and more and all of it has been of help to ease my tears, bring me hope or just distract me.

10. Hope. During the days of our most intense grief, I couldn't bear to think of the future that had been so changed. I am still struggling with this, knowing how quickly my own plans can change and how little I actually have control over. But I know that God has good plans ahead (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He brings tribulations for a purpose (Romans 5:3-5). Hope does not disappoint. I am praying each day that I will have hope and that I will wrap my mind around what is true.

**The picture at the top is Clara showing our breakfast Turkey Rolls. I found this fun & easy idea from a blog that I like at www.lifeasmom.com